God is Working!

It has been awesome to see how God is working in my life right now! I just got back from visiting my family. It was nice to relax and get away but really focus on those relationships with those I love and don't see often. My first weekend there I went to a ladies retreat with this amazing speaker. She is the founder of a 2 year old ministry called Zebras. The whole concept is that God made zebras to travel in herds. God made their stripes to combine together to make them like a huge animal and to scare their prey. It is the same with us as women who are Christians. We need to stick together, lifting each other up by focusing on who God is and His attributes. Her website is http://www.zebraminstires.com. You should check it out! But any who... God really used her to move in my life on a whole other level. She gave us some verses on being still and when I got back from the retreat still visiting my family, God began to beckon me to read those verses. At first I was not sure because I was working on something else for a devo I have to write but He kept saying read these verses. So I did and wow did He prepare me for so much. He is so faithful! A few days before I had to go back to PA, I began to be restless. I was not ready to go back. I realized how I busy I was at home. I work at a daycare at various random times. I help out my husband at his business. I clean my house and pay the bills. I know that seems like life but its overwhelming. I was just so tormented but I just kept hold of those verses and wow He is working. I have been praying to see what changes I need to do to prioritize my time better. But oh the strength, the peace He has given to me. There is something that God also showed me about being still from the ladies retreat. The speaker told us about refreshing ourselves after we have had an emotional time or heavily involved in ministry. She said after awana she would always go for a big bowl of cereal to just relax and regroup. But she encouraged us instead of eating something or in my case watching tv, we need to draw near to God. For me, it made me see the importance of going to Him at every moment I could during the day instead of just once in the morning when I wake up. I have spiritual breaks breaks at work I could take advantage of. I have also made the commitment to get into His word when I get off work at six. It has been amazing to see how He is working. I encourage you guys to be still and get that "big bowl of cereal". : )

God's Faithfulness and Eternity part 2

Lately I have been up and down in my emotions, worrying about the things of this world and really allowing it to alter my mood. It is frustrating in a way because I dont like being this way. I become ineffective for God and there is little joy. But what is so cool is that God is SO FAITHFUL TO ME. I wish I could hold onto that better in my mind and thought process but hey it is about progress not perfection (Elizabeth Elliot) Everytime I seek His face, He helps me and brings peace even if I continuously keep coming back day after day. For instance, all weekend was rough and Monday came around with a new week of work. It was rough. I did not sleep well the night before and I was struggling with my mindset. I got ready and did my routine as usual and went to my husband's business to help him open. It was hard but all of a sudden BAM God's peace with constant prayer came upon me. Work at the daycare went well and after work, my husband surprised me to take me out for coffee just to spend time with me. We also were celebrating because we now officially owe our trailer. It was a good day. I could not even think about how I was that morning. God is faithful even now when I am still struggling.
Another thing on how God is faithful is how eternity keeps coming up. I read more of my book called Desire by John Eldredge and he was talking about groaning. We groan for the things that are not seen and sometimes we dont allow it. As humans, we hate pain but as he stated, pain brings acknowledgement of who God is in our lives. He uses the example of a lady who wanted to relax after being a speaker of a huge conference. She goes antique shopping. The first store she goes into is this real expensive one. She walks in sad and astounded by the prices. But then something caught her eye in the corner of the store. It was this beautiful stain glass window. She longed for it but then saw the price of 8000 dollars. She became angry and sad but then had a thought. She will be getting one just like that in heaven in her mansion God is building for her now. She walked away happy. So I started to think how can life around me that affects me bring eternity to mind. I started to think about Bob our guinea and his crazy squawking. Sometimes I also listen to the other birds that sometimes sound like Bob but isnt. They also sound more pretty then he does ; ) But how does that remind me of heaven? And then God brought a thought into my head. They are like little angels here are earth singing to their creator. It almost made me cry. God is faithful even in the small things     

Eternity

Off and on God has been laying on my heart about eternity. Sometimes our pastor at church mentions a family who just lost a member of their family and they are at peace because they are in the presence of Christ. But like Monday and yesterday, God really has been pressing it more on my heart.
Monday started like any other day except it was warmer outside so I decided to jog. As I was making my laps, I heard our friendly neighborhood guneas which Cyrus and I have named bob and Betty. They r the funniest creatures especially to watch when they get separated and squak until they find each other. Well on this morning, I only saw bob, the black, grey, and white one but there was no Betty. It was kinda weird. He was just by himself and they never like leaving each other. It was weird. I did not think too much more about it until when Cyrus took me to work. as we were driving down our street, there was poor bob and still no betty. Then Cyrus noticed tons and tons of feathers on both sides of the road. We both got the feeling at the same time. Did something happen to Betty? Cyrus went back to the house to investigate after he dropped me off. He texted me saying there was no body anywhere and no blood on the feathers. It was just so sad. I thought about it all day and thought it was the sadest thing that this could be the end of Betty. Cyrus and I kept on thinking that maybe she is ok and just got scared and ran off or maybe the worse that a dog ran off with her and killed her. It is just so sad. Also that night, I also read some of my book called Desire by John Eldredge. The basis of his book is "how to learn how to uncover our desires and learn to decipher them". Desires aren't bad. Desires were meant to be spent forever and forever in eden with God, but as humans we ruined that when we took control. Now we battle with our desires. Are they good or do they consume us and our thoughts? He then states that we try to "arrange" our life to fulfill our desire and what we think is right for us. But what about eternity? What if our desires were so consumed in eternity? How would our everyday perspective change? How about the people we work with? The family members that are not saved? I will confess I love to "arrange" my life. I have made the comment several times, God you can come back when I have kids, maybe grandkids and have this amazing ministry. But what if God does not allow me to have any of those things? Would I be happy? Cyrus talked to an aquaintance of his yesterday. Recently his friend suddenly lost his wife. He has 3 kids and owns his own business. He told Cyrus that he hs spent the past 3 weeks in bed out of grief. How sad is that? I feel so bad for him. I cant imagine that happening to me. That is certainty not in "my plans" for my husband to die. Once again eternity is the answer. Focusing on eternity on heaven. Sin in our world is such an awful thing. It twists our thoughts and confuse us from what we really need to focus on. I need to focus on the kids I work with everyday even if they drive me insane. They need Christ. Will I see them in eternity in heaven? I challenge you as my reader to truly mediatate what it means to have an eternal perspective in this twisted world. It will be interesting to see where God takes this in my life. I have seen him already change alot of my thinking because of just one bird. http://www.ransomedheart.com/?q=node/87

Man and Our Total Depravity

As I continue to grow in my relationship with God, He shows me so many things in my life and how He remains faithful to me as I slowly "get it". My husband loves to watch post nuclear times such as The Road or The Book of Eli. He also likes to listen to Glenn Beck and all his things about how economical and political hardships are going to happen and how we need to prepare for it. To be honest, I don't know what to believe. I do know our world, our nation, is settling for second best and probably the most self absorbed group of people ever. Clearly, we feel like we can do whatever we want because we are "so powerful" and everything is given to us on a silver platter. The people who govern over our nation are desperately wicked and evil and think clearly only about their own needs and not the needs of our failing nation. But this is not my point of this blog. My point is we are failing as a nation because our Human existence is evil and depraved focusing only on ourselves and not God. And because God is a holy and just God, He can't really allow this for much longer. Huge nations just don't last long. Rome only lasted for 200 years. We have a quite a couple more decades to even reach our 300 birthday. So we are going to fail. It is just how it is. And how are we going to react? When our economy hits rock bottom or we get taken over by a more powerful country, how are we going to take it? To be honest, Cyrus and I are your typical young couple just getting by living simple. Yes we are very fortunate for the things we do have that are nice. But imagine having none of that? My question still remains, how will we respond? When I watch these movies, (ok I know these are just movies but go along with me on this) the people are so down right evil. They think only on how to survive and thats it. I mean in the movie, The Road, the dad is clearly a dad who takes care of his kid and does anything for him but when it comes to the point with this poor guy who does steal their things he is down right merciless. I mean his true sinful nature comes out of him. I will confess being poor or living in a different place every night or not sure what you are going to eat for the day is scary, but I think man's depravity scares me the most. I know what I am capable of thinking when I allow my flesh to get the best of me. But imagine people who dont have Christ. I don't know. In the long run, it makes me feel very thankful for God's perfect gift that He has given to me. I also know that He is faithful and only puts me through things that He has prepared me for in order to handle them. My only thought for you as my reader, how will you respond? How will we respond if Obama get re elected for another 4 years and changes more things in our nation? I know our God is a good God but He is also a God who needs to be glorified. That is my point. In our human depravity, in our human struggles, in our human rebelliousness and pride, God will be glorified. No matter how much I fret or try to control or reason about the condition of our world, my God will be glorified. All I need to do is keep my focus on Him. In Him, I am strong. In Him, I can overcome the world. Oh how I wish that for my frail human existence today.

My tv shows and prayer

Last Wednesday, I just started a bible study at my church. The book is about prayer by Elisabeth george. I just got finished reading the second chapter for next week. The chapter title is 10 reasons why women don't pray. She gives the first 3 reasons which are worldiness, busyness, and foolishness. These first 3 screamed out my name! I feel recently that God has been convicting me of the tv shows Cyrus and I watch and how much time we watch them. Most of you know that I am a very opinionated person especially when my emotions are involved. Now I know this will sound weird but I really get involved in my tv shows. I remember the first time I got real upset at the tv was when my family and I were watching Survivor, the reality show. It was the finale and there was this deceptive man who won and clearly did not deserve it at all. Let's say he certainty played by the typical reality show rules. I got so mad where I started to yell at the tv. Yes I know really lame and embarrassing : /. Cyrus and I also recently watched this show called criminal minds. It was a good show but just way to dark where one night I had these really fleshy dreams. I felt evil! I mean my heart is definitely desperately wicked. So we quit decided to quit watching it. Last night we are watched 24, the last and final season. Boy this show always gets better every season. Good thing it's over! But once again of course I was yelling at the tv calling this one girl a whore and everything else I thought of at that time. I will confess at that time God put some thoughts into my head. "Kristina this is certainty bringing the worse out of u. Is it worth it?" I even dreamt about it. Is it really worth watching these shows where my mind is so invested in them? Not really... But I will confess, my flesh really likes it. I don't want to give it up but I really want my life to follow Christ. I have fears too. Like what is Cyrus going to say about it? I mean we always eat in front of the tv. What if he does not like the idea? I mean when we watch tv it is like this source of relaxation, a way to escape the world for a few hours. But then how important is my relationship with God especially if this means having more time to pray or get a new hobbie? I know this sounds dumb but it is actually this pleasure thing. But I am going to make the step. So please pray for me and most importantly pray that God can be glorified in this.

He wants my time!!

This past week has been very busy for me since I have decided to be more content and soak in every moment. I went to a child abuse training at my church so I can start getting involved on Monday. It was very informing and made me see the importance of communication with the people you work with when it comes to the safety of the kids. I did not get back till 9:00 at night. Tuesday, I went over to my in laws house to spend some time with my mother in law. We decided that we will meet every Tuesday where I learn more about cooking and gardening and those wifey things. I also just started a BIble study at my church on Wednesdays. I got talking to a very nice lady and did not leave till 8:40 and got home at 9:15 after grabbing something at Wendys. Tonight will be the first time where Cyrus and I will have nothing to do. God also have answered my prayers concerning changing my hours at work so I wont be so tired and so I could get more involved. Starting tomorrow, I get to sleep in and work 10 til closing. On saturday, I get to go out and have coffee with my supervisor at work. SO like I said I have been very busy.
But this morning during my quiet time, I began to feel negative. Even though I get to sleep in and still give Cyrus his break, I will confess that closing will take sometime to adjust. It will move my time up with my mother in law and it feels like my day is all gone. But then I begin to think. This is what I want: to live each moment as it comes along. That means having to realize that my life, my time is not mine and its about glorifying God. It is funny how God reminded me of that this Sunday at church.

 But Jesus answered them, saying, “The hour has come that the Son of Man should be glorified. Most assuredly, I say to you, unless a grain of wheat falls into the ground and dies, it remains alone; but if it dies, it produces much grain. He who loves his life will lose it, and he who hates his life in this world will keep it for eternal life. If anyone serves Me, let him follow Me; and where I am, there My servant will be also. If anyone serves Me, him My Father will honor. John 12:23-26

I really can be selfish with my time and worry that I will never have time for myself or even my husband. But He calls us to lose our life and follow Him. I then was remembered a passage that I have been trying to memorize.

 Trust in the LORD, and do good; Dwell in the land, and feed on His faithfulness.
 Delight yourself also in the LORD, And He shall give you the desires of your heart.
 Commit your way to the LORD, Trust also in Him, And He shall bring it to pass.
 He shall bring forth your righteousness as the light, And your justice as the noonday.
 Rest in the LORD, and wait patiently for Him; Do not fret because of him who prospers in his way,
 Because of the man who brings wicked schemes to pass.
 Cease from anger, and forsake wrath; Do not fret—it only causes harm.  Psalm 37:3-8

Its "easy" for us to do good but we will always loose heart when doing good and not trusting in the Lord. I dont need to worry about my time because if I am trusting God to know He will work things out while spending time with my mother in law or with my husband, that there will be enough time for me. Verse 4 is states it well. I need to delight myself in the Lord and He will give me the desires of my heart. He already showed me that with giving me later hours. In order to trust in the Lord and do good, I have to dwell in His land of faithfulness and He certainity has been faithful.

So we will see how next week goes because I will once again be busy all the way to Thursday night just like this week. But you know what I dont need to worry about that because I still have right now in the trailer with my husband before I go home and make dinner : )

New Year Resolution

Ok first of all, I know this is a little late, but I thought this was appropriate for me rejoining my blog I have abandoned. Now I am not a huge fan of resolutions but this one seems applicable for where I am in life with my relationship with Christ. This year I want to meditate on, by the grace of God, to focus on what God gives to me at this moment right here right now. I know that in the past few months, I have been struggling alot with where God has me currently in my life. I want more. I have always been a person who wanted what was next in life. When I was in high school, I just wanted to graduate. After graduation and having been in college for awhile, I thought it was the best that I would meet "the one" who I was to marry. I then graduated and went to Camfel where I did meet my husband. We got married and things were rocky at first but became alot better when God revealed who I truly was in Him. Now being married for 3 years and things are going pretty well, I am wanting to have a baby. "MAN will I ever be happy?" is a common thought I strugle with. Always wanting something more. Always wanting the next thing in life. Always comparing myself with others. When will I finally "get it"? I have currently started to read a book called, "The Resolution for Women" by Priscilla Shirer. It is based off of the resolution for the men in the movie Courageous. The first sections is about being content. I read the first section fast at first but then realized that I was even being discontent while reading it, wanting it to be different. So I reread it. In the first chapter, she wrote about a time she had with a friend on her birthday. Her friend recalled how the year when she turned 36 and how it was a good year. She was able to name off abunch of good times she had. Priscilla, on the other hand, realized at that moment how much she missed out in life. She could recall some good times but did she soak them in and enjoy it? I began to think the same thing. I am a person of structure. I wake up every morning doing the same routine over and over again. But what am I missing when I continue on my way thinking about what is going to happen next or later on that day? I could be missing a time I could be spending with my husband, reading to him or just giving him a good backrub. Also, recently, during my quiet time, I have been really meditating on God's Faithfulness through His mercy and truth in the good and the bad times. For example this last Friday, at 4:30 in the morning, I began to think about the day before and how good it really was. Since Cyrus closed the business for a few days, I did not have to go there after work like I always did but had tons of free time on my hands to spend with hime. It was a really good feeling to do want I enjoyed to do with my husband and later on with my in laws. Then God put a thought into my head. "Kristina, I know what you need at this time with your busy schedule. If you had a baby, would you be able to do what you did yesterday? Trust in me to know that I have a perfect timing for everything. Focus on what you have right now in your life." I have my husband and his business. I have a job with abunch of amazing ladies to work with and to encourage as they teach the little ones there. I also have my mother in law who I need to get to know better. I will also be starting a Bible study at the church. God showed me at that time that there are still things that need to be done now. So I just continue on making myself focus on the moment at hand and soaking it in, knowing this is where He has me, knowing He sees the bigger picture. I am excited to see what He will do with me this year and the people around me He has put into my life. : )