Conforming to His will

As most of you know, my husband and I have recently moved, relocating for a new job. We have been here for almost 2 months. We also decided that I wont work to see if we can live off of his salary for the future. My prayer, without internet or Netflix, for the first month was to draw near to God knowing He will draw near to me as it says in James 4:8a. He has been so faithful and last month was amazing.

This month we decided that I liked going to the library for the internet and will not get internet for awhile. So I continue to pray for God's will as I continue on transitioning into this new lifestyle.  I will confess lately I have become restless where it makes me more conscious and watchful for discontentment and dissatisfaction which is only a gateway for Satan/my flesh to screw with my mind. I cannot allow him to get to me knowing that I am wrestling against rulers of the darkness of this age as it says in Ephesians 6:12 and that God is far more powerful than Satan/my flesh will ever be. I have constantly gone to His word and His promises which has remain so faithful for me.

What He has recently brought to my attention is my mind is in the process of being conformed to His will. I feel disconnected and unsure about things. God has blessed me with this amazing woman of God who has helped me get connected and been my friend. I have been to a picnic for the ACTION (Americans For Christian Traditions In Our Nation of Pennsylvania) group here. I have been going to a Good News Club and have been invited to volunteer at a camp next week. God alo has really laid on my heart on telling others about the Gospel and how it has affected my life with the people in my apartment complex. I have been struggling to do these things, being anxious if I am doing it right, and feeling like it is a duty and finding little pleasure in it. It is not like I feel like if I dont do this that God is going to be angry and I will feel guilty. I have gotten beyond that. He totally convicts me until I do do it. For example, I got some mail of this girl who lives upstairs next to me and I needed to go give it to her. I have talked to her before and she is very nice and this letter was my excuse to go to her again. So last Saturday I had my routine of getting ready for the day and was going to go to the library. I get into the car and notice her car was in her spot. Suddenly, God tells me, "Kristina go get the letter and go give it to her." I gave excuses like she will be here later after I am done with what I want to do. But He kept pressing me. Then I had the thought, What if she is thinking of something right now and I need to have a conversation with her about that? God works like that dont He? So after a minute of going back and forth, I turned off the car, got the letter, and knocked on her door. She invited me as she did before and I sat for awhile since she had some company. Then they left and we started to talk. We talked about some things that were going on in her life and how through it she was discovering herself. I was able to share a little bit what God has done in my life and how He has transformed it. It ended where sometime this week we are to hang out which I am doing this afternoon. But even then, I had my own plans today but knew that this is something God wants me to do. I know I will have fun. I always do : ) I have been praying for opportunites and discussions this afternoon but I have no passion. My friend finds so much joy in telling the Gospel to these little kids and seeks opportunities to do so where ever she goes. Peter, Paul, and the other disciples were like that. Everywhere they went, they preached the Gospel. It was what drove them! Is there a middle? I have the desire to do it but I feel like it is something I need to do. What comes to mind is in Matthew 16:24-27,

     "Then Jesus said to His disciples, “If anyone desires to come after Me, let him deny himself, and take up his cross, and follow Me. ²⁵ For whoever desires to save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for My sake will find it. ²⁶ For what profit is it to a man if he gains the whole world, and loses his own soul? Or what will a man give in exchange for his soul? ²⁷ For the Son of Man will come in the glory of His Father with His angels, and then He will reward each according to his works."

And Romans 12:1-2,
 
 "I beseech you therefore, brethren, by the mercies of God, that you present your bodies a living sacrifice, holy, acceptable to God, which is your reasonable service. ² And do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind, that you may prove what is that good and acceptable and perfect will of God."

It is like I need reassurance that I am building those relationships or then I am afraid I am being too lazy. I dont know. But I do know that He is a faithful God and His word does not return void. His word is what motivates me. His word is what is alive. The Gospel is still working in my own life. The Gospel is what is powerful not me. I dont think I fully trust in God in that yet. 

 " For I am not ashamed of the gospel of Christ,^[a] for it is the power of God to salvation for everyone who believes, for the Jew first and also for the Greek. ¹⁷ For in it the righteousness of God is revealed from faith to faith; as it is written, “The just shall live by faith.” Romans 1:16  

The 4th of July

In light of the events of our government and country and personally what God has been doing in my life through His word, I felt that this year Cyrus and I need to read the constitution on the 4th of July. It was interesting but also rewarding as we read it. Hehe we did not even finished it. Cyrus had to explain alot of it to me which I think exhausted him : P But it was alot of fun and produce alot of conversation. My thoughts are going to be brief but to the point because I am still trying to learn about this: I dont think President Obama has a big part as much as we think he does when it comes to with whats going on. Now what do I mean by that? I believe that as a country and our country's leaders have allowed over time through the Great Depression, World War I and II, rules and laws to falter morally. What is also sad is how, as the church, we appear we dont care or do little about it. How does a nation or group of people falter morally? They forsake God. Other things get in the way and become more important. There are too many distractions. It does not rock our little world so we dont feel convicted enough. I know I am gulity of that.
I have been reading a book called Bonhoeffer: Pastor, Martyr, Prophet, Spy which by the way is AMAZING!! The burden that this man had for the spiritual welfare of Germany during Nazi Germany was HUGE. He was constantly in the word, seeking God's face in prayer, even apart of a church that separated from the church of Germany and started his own seminary discipling people in God's word and in their current circumstances. He read Jeremiah and felt what he felt. So that made me want to read Jeremiah also. It has convicted me on a level that I dont think I fully grasp yet where God wants to take me with it. But there are a few verses that have caught my eye that I believe relates to us as a nation.

“For My people have committed two evils:
They have forsaken Me, the fountain of living waters,
And hewn themselves cisterns—broken cisterns that can hold no water." Jeremiah 2:13

"...'Your own wickedness will correct you,
And your backslidings will rebuke you.
Know therefore and see that it is an evil and bitter thing
That you have forsaken the Lord your God,
And the fear of Me is not in you,'
Says the Lord God of hosts."  Jeremiah 2:19

" 'Your ways and your doings
Have procured these things for you.
This is your wickedness,
Because it is bitter,
Because it reaches to your heart.' "  Jeremiah 4:18

Like I said I am still learning more about this and God is guiding me to something but this is something I want to challenge myself with too. What stops me from making a difference in this world where people see God and not themselves?

Romans 13

Let every soul ( being, person) be subject to (condition on [ to modify to respond in a particular way based off of what God says], bounded by, answerable to)
the governing authorities. For there is no authority except from God (even the constitution), and the authorities that exist are appointed by God (is the constitution an authority from God?).   Therefore whoever resists the authority resists the ordinance of God (to be subject to governing authorties), and those who resist will bring judgment on themselves (have we disrespected or disobey Obama, congress, the government etc that God has brought judgment upon our nation?). 
For rulers are not a terror (are not alarmed to do good) to good works, but to evil (naturally evil). Do you want to be unafraid of the authority (yes I do ; D )? Do what is good, and you will have praise from the same.  For he is God’s minister to you for good. But if you do evil, be afraid; for he does not bear the sword in vain; for he is God’s minister, an avenger to execute wrath on him who practices evil ( is it even an appropraite thought to think that Obama or losing the nation's freedom is God executing His wrath upon the U.S? Or better yet, has God allowed the U.S as a nation to go on its merry way of living life for it selves and the choices its have made and the nation is suffering from natural consquences of falling away from God? Romans 1:24-25).
Therefore you must be subject, not only because of wrath but also for conscience’ sake.  For because of this you also pay taxes, for they are God’s ministers attending continually to this very thing.   Render therefore to all their due: taxes to whom taxes are due, customs to whom customs, fear to whom fear, honor to whom honor.

In verse one, I began to think about the word, "subject to". Was that the same word in the greek as in Ephesians 5:22,

"Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord."

or in Ephesians 5:24

"Therefore, just as the church is subject to Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in everything."

All three verses are the same word that means to subordinate, to do onto, put under, being in subjection, volunteering yourself. So I am to submit to the government as I submit to my husband, in a respectful, volunteering way of giving up myself because that authority was put over me at this particular time by God. So what is happening is God's will and I dont need to do anything against it?
But then I have been told that we are not rebelling against our government when we say something against it or we are not being disobedient; but that we need to stand up for how our government should be based off of our constitution. Basically, our country needs to go back to how it was attended to be. It is not right that our tax money is going towards things that are unbiblical. Yes that is true and I agree. But is all this being allowed by God or like it says in Romans 1:24-25
 
" Therefore God also gave them up to uncleanness, in the lusts of their hearts, to dishonor their bodies among themselves, ²⁵ who exchanged the truth of God for the lie, and worshiped and served the creature rather than the Creator, who is blessed forever. Amen."

Is everything that is happening because as a nation, it has chose to turn away from God and it has allowed sin to creep into its life and natural consquences have taken place? Have we as the church have fallen away from truly what is biblical? Does it take us getting involved and understanding what is going on and how it is going to affect us going to help? Or is there a much simpler way?
My dad made the comment when I was talking to him about this that maybe Satan is using these things to distract me from what I truly need to be doing: preaching the word. 
I was reading 2 Timothy 4:1-5 today where Paul is telling Timothy to be ready in and out of season to preach the word. God has really been pressing this and Romans 13 on my mind alot lately and to be honest, I dont know what to do. I am currently in a period of time where I am transitioning to a new area and have not found a church yet. I am in a spot where God is telling me to wait. There is a lady downstairs I have talked too and want to get to know but I dont see her often. Am I making excuses? There is also this other lady I met at one of the churches we have visited who has invited me to go to a picnic for Christian tea partiers tomorrow. Is this God saying get involved, know whats going on so that I can go out and preach the word? This is heavy on my heart and I want to do what God wants me to do and not because of this period of my life. I am torn because I know my God is sovereign and all that is going on is ordained by him. So do I just go out and preach the word because thats all that matters or is there more?

Righteous anger

God is truly working in my life! There is so much spiritual warfare because of it. Satan does not want this and all my weaknesses are flying up all around me. I am struggling but God is in control. I just need to continue to trust in that and lean on that and be directed by His word. 

Lately though, the world around seems so bleak to me. I am reading up on War World II history and see how sad war can make people show their natural evil side. It is sickening what those Japanese soldiers did to those POWs. I even recently heard of a rule at the local school that when kids miss a certain amount of school by skipping or even being pulled out for some family thing there is a fee the parents have to pay. If those parents dont pay that fee, they go to jail. Now wait a minute! Where is the responsibility for the kids? I mean these are older kids who know what they are doing is wrong and the parents get blamed. Ok? mmm... Like I have stated before in previous blogs, I believe the time is coming when life is not going to be the same. How will I respond? Would I respond in hatred and bitterness like how the POWs were treated? Or would I respond like God and Jesus did when He was here on earth with righteous indignation solely because the will of God was violated and disobeyed? I found this website and looked up the verses of when God and Jesus got mad and then found a verse in the Bible to tell the direct disobedience it was. 

  

*Exodus 4:1-14

                God became angry at Moses because he was allowing fear to make him not trust God

                God showed him the miraculous things right there but Moses still was afraid

1 John 4:17-18

17Love has been perfected among us in this: that we may have boldness in the day of judgment; because as He is, so are we in this world. 18 There is no fear in love; but perfect love casts out fear, because fear involves torment. But he who fears has not been made perfect in love.

*Exodus 22:21-24

                God will get angry if one afflicts the fatherless and the widow

Exodus 22:19-21  19When you reap your harvest in your field and forget a sheaf in the field, you shall not go back to get it. It shall be for the sojourner, the fatherless, and the widow, that the Lord your God may bless you in all the work of your hands. 20 When you beat your olive trees, you shall not go over them again. It shall be for the sojourner, the fatherless, and the widow. 21 When you gather the grapes of your vineyard, you shall not strip it afterward. It shall be for the sojourner, the fatherless, and the widow.

Deut 26:12-13 12 “When you have finished paying all the tithe of your produce in the third year, which is the year of tithing, giving it to the Levite, the sojourner, the fatherless, and the widow, so that they may eat within your towns and be filled, 13 then you shall say before the Lord your God, ‘I have removed the sacred portion out of my house, and moreover, I have given it to the Levite, the sojourner, the fatherless, and the widow, according to all your commandment that you have commanded me. I have not transgressed any of your commandments, nor have I forgotten them.

Is 1:17 17     learn to do good; seek justice, correct oppression; bring justice to the fatherless, plead the widow's cause.

James 1:27 Religion that is pure and undefiled before God, the Father, is this: to visit orphans and widows in their affliction, and to keep oneself unstained from the world.

*Mark 3:1-6

Jesus was angry at the Pharisees because they were waiting to see if Jesus would heal the man on the Sabbath.

Deut 10:12-22 12 “And now, Israel, what does the Lord your God require of you, but to fear the Lord your God, to walk in all his ways, to love him, to serve the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul, 13 and to keep the commandments and statutes of the Lord, which I am commanding you today for your good? 14 Behold, to the Lord your God belong heaven and the heaven of heavens, the earth with all that is in it. 15 Yet the Lord set his heart in love on your fathers and chose their offspring after them, you above all peoples, as you are this day. 16 Circumcise therefore the foreskin of your heart, and be no longer stubborn. 17 For the Lord your God is God of gods and Lord of lords, the great, the mighty, and the awesome God, who is not partial and takes no bribe. 18 He executes justice for the fatherless and the widow, and loves the sojourner, giving him food and clothing. 19 Love the sojourner, therefore, for you were sojourners in the land of Egypt. 20 You shall fear the Lord your God. You shall serve him and hold fast to him, and by his name you shall swear. 21 He is your praise. He is your God, who has done for you these great and terrifying things that your eyes have seen. 22 Your fathers went down to Egypt seventy persons, and now the Lord your God has made you as numerous as the stars of heaven.

Ps 51:17 The sacrifices of God are a broken spirit; a broken and contrite heart, O God, you will not despise.

Pro 11:20 Those of crooked heart are an abomination to the Lord, but those of blameless ways are his delight.

Pro 12:20 Deceit is in the heart of those who devise evil, but those who plan peace have joy.

Pro 16:5 Everyone who is arrogant in heart is an abomination to the Lord; be assured, he will not go unpunished.

*John 2:13-22

                Jesus walks into the temple and people was treating it like a marketplace not a place of holiness. (for their own personal gain) He gets angry make a whip and throws over the tables and money.

Ezekiel 48:12 This is the law of the temple: the whole territory on the top of the mountain all around shall be most holy. Behold, this is the law of the temple.

1 Cor 3:17 If anyone destroys God's temple, God will destroy him. For God's temple is holy, and you are that temple. (This is our bodies not the physical temple)

 verses from http://bible.org/seriespage/righteous-anger-ephesians-426-27

My Holocaust Museum experience

Today my husband, my father-in-law, and I went to Washington D.C to go the holocaust museum's 20th anniversary tribute. Elie Wiesel and Bill Clinton were there just as it was 20 years ago. We walked into this huge tent that seemed more like a building to me with rows and rows of chairs. The tent was filled with people of so many different ages from different countries. Everyone had a name tag hung around their neck telling who they were. Survivor. Child of a survivor. Grandchild of survivor. Veteran. Even survivor and veteran. It was like no other experience! I was in the presence of men and women who survived Hitler's wrath and men and women that fought against Hitler's wrath. I felt clueless and inexperience. 

As the ceremony was about to begin, a group of flags began to gather behind us. They were the flags that represented the 36 infantries, armored, and airborne divisions that liberated the camps of victimized Jews and POWs. I never thought of that important aspect of World War II. 

The army band started the ceremony with the entrance of the flags. It was definitely different from what I grew up with dad being in the air force. There were 4 speakers that played different roles in the holocaust museum. Then there came Elie Wiesel. He was an old slow little man with a strong accent and bold personality. His tribute was to remind us of how we cannot forget what happen and need to continue to tell the next generation the stories we hear and are told. Then Bill Clinton spoke. He was getting old : ) His relationship with Elie has lasted the past 20 years based of learning and remembering together. 

It was a very moving ceremony. One of the speakers told us that there was about 800 survivors and 150 veterans there with us today! Wow I did not realize that there was so many! What an experience! 

Besides the ceremony, there was a schedule events throughout the day. One was the new exhibit that was opened for the first time this weekend called Some were Neighbors: Collaboration and Complicity in the Holocaust. There were three types of people this exhibit that they described: pro-nazi, onlooker, and anti-nazi. The nazis themselves were the S.S, the S.A, the Hitler youth, and people who joined the nazi party. They were cruel and found pleasure in torturing the Jews. The onlookers were the ones who were not particularly fond of the nazis but were afraid of doing anything to fight against the nazis. The anti-nazis were the ones that fought against the nazis and their horrible deeds. They were a teacher who hid Jewish students. They were the ones who sponsor Jews to leave the county to go to the united states. They were the ones who hid people and risked their lives. Which one would I be? 

This is something that I have been REALLY thinking about alot lately. For the ones who pay attention to the news, I believe very soon that our lives are not going to be the same. We are going to loose our freedoms, our freedom of speech, our freedom to bare arms, our freedom of religion. I dont know when but it seems so soon. How will I respond? Just like War World II with the Japanese, the Germans, the Russians, and probably most likely even the Americans, men are naturally evil. War brings out the worse in people. When life is unsettling, it makes people anxious and unsettled and become selfish thinking only of themselves. I have not lost my freedoms and war is not going on but anyone who knows me, I can be a selfish person. Over the smallest things, I can be so self-centered. But this last semester at Teen Club at church, we have been studying every scripture pertaining to the word gospel. I have been enjoying it learning about Paul and how he was motivated by the gospel. I am no where near that. I allow the things of this world to affect me. I allow fear and pride and anger to influence me. To be honest, sometimes it just comes out and right after I do it, I feel so convicted. Am I not living by grace? Am I still the one who wants to be in control? I dont like it but I really allow it. But I believe God is planting something in my heart. He is leading me. He is directing me. Is it going to be forced upon me like Turkey when I was 14 or Grace Children's Home? Or can I just learn it? Take a leap of faith and trust in God and allow the gospel to motivate me. Now I need to remind you that I am NO WHERE near this at all. I am humbling come before God about this. I am yearning and praying for that transformation in my life. No more Netflix. Less of Facebook. More of God's word. More of telling others about Christ. The time is seriously coming. What am I going to do? Just like the museum's motto: What YOU do matters.

Another verse on who I am

Here's another verse I found for my last blog

The Lord looks from heaven;
He sees all the sons of men.
¹⁴ From the place of His dwelling He looks
On all the inhabitants of the earth;
¹⁵ He fashions their hearts individually;
He considers all their works. Ps 33:13-14

He looks down from heaven and fashions my heart individually and considers all my works. HUGE! Pray I can trust in that great power today

Who I am

This blog is being written at a spurt of a moment...I am in one of those pondering moods... I dont do this very often : )

I have always been known as the serious one. I remember when I was younger, as far back as 7th grade. I never was real goofy or did outlandish things. I think the "craziest" thing I have ever done was driving in circles in a church parking lot with my friends after youth group back in high school. Yeah I know totally rebellious : P I even remember several times when I was with someone and they were doing something that made me feel uncomfortable, I would always tend to withdraw. There has always been one person who are more outgoing and bubbly than I. I know it use to brother me alot because everyone would want to be around that person even though they did like me. It is always more fun to be around someone who is more lively than I am.

Now as I have matured and almost out of the twenties, I joke around but is serious about when one gets older you really begin to not care at all what others think of you when you are just having fun. This is coming out of someone who owns 43 gnomes and is very proud of it : ) I mean it is kinda freeing to be able to have fun and not be insecure. But my personality is still the same. Matured but the same. I am the serious one. I get passionate about things that people dont seem to think are that big of a deal. And there is still many people who are more bubbly than I am. I have to say I still struggle with it but I do realize and I think (the reason for this blog) that I am ok with it.

It has been something that God has been putting on my heart alot lately. Besides being serious, I also am emotional. I wear my emotions on my sleeve as the saying goes. Sometimes I feel like that is a burdened or annoyance too. But like I said God has been changing my heart little by little about that. It always takes me back to Psalms 139:13-18

  For You formed my inward parts;

You covered me in my mother’s womb.

 I will praise You, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made;[b]

Marvelous are Your works,

And that my soul knows very well.

 My frame was not hidden from You,

When I was made in secret,

And skillfully wrought in the lowest parts of the earth.

 Your eyes saw my substance, being yet unformed.

And in Your book they all were written,

The days fashioned for me,

When as yet there were none of them.

 How precious also are Your thoughts to me, O God!

How great is the sum of them!

 If I should count them, they would be more in number than the sand;

When I awake, I am still with You.

The parts that I are highlighted are what comes to mind. I am fearfully and wonderfully made! In His book all my days are written down. How precious are God's thoughts about me! There is tons of them, more in number than the sand!

Isaiah 64:8

 But now, O Lord,

You are our Father;

We are the clay, and You our potter;

And all we are the work of Your hand

I should not question the way I am. I am the work of my Creator's hand! He created me for ME! I am more emotional than others. I am more serious than others. Not everyone relates to the bubbly person. There always is a need for balance. Please pray for me as I go through this time of searching who God has made me.