Tuesday, September 23, 2014

Blog Theme

I have recently joined a new Facebook group; it is about moms who blog about their lives. I look at their blogs and realize I have a lot to learn. I really hope to use this Facebook group as a resource to make my blog look better. So for starters I had to pick a theme, which was the easy part. The theme was being a new mom and expressing my thoughts on what God has been teaching me during this season of life. But the next part was a little harder. How was I to decorate my blog to show my theme? As some of you saw previously, I had a picture by Norman Rockwell; this was because
I thought he was an amazing painter.The picture I had was of a grandma and a little boy praying. This represented to me the importance of family and prayer, which I believe is what God was showing me what He wants me to learn. But I felt like I needed more than just that. That's when zebras popped into my head.
For quite sometime, I have been loving anything zebra. Why you ask? Well a few years ago, my mother mentioned this ladies ministry that was happening in California that she really liked. A friend of hers started this ministry based off of the idea of a herd of zebras. Apparently, a zebra is very vulnerable when it is alone. But when they are in a herd, God made their stripes to blend together to make them look like a larger animal than what they are. This in return frightens their predator, and they are left alone. It is like this with women in the church. We are vulnerable as individuals with our emotions, our fears, our need to control; this is where Satan likes to attack us. 1 Peter 5:8 states,

"Be sober, be vigilant; because your adversary the devil walks about like a roaring lion, seeking whom he may devour".

We are designed as women to need each other. As Christians we also need those relationships to build each other up, through God's Word and what it says about who He is. Through this Zebra Ministry, women join together once a month focusing on a scripture verse describing one of the attributes of God. They are then challenged to meditate on that scripture and pray over it that month, so that when they return the following month they would share with the other ladies what God taught them. During this time they pick a name out of a hat of person who they are to meet with that month in order to keep each other accountable and to also encourage each other. It is such an awesome ministry! So every time I see a zebra or zebra print it makes me think about the relationships I have with other women and how I can encourage them. http://www.zebraministries.com/

So what does that have to do with me being a mom? When I found out I was having a little girl, I knew exactly what theme I wanted for the nursery, zebras, black, white and pink. One day I want to be able, in detail, to tell my little girl why I picked the zebra theme for her nursery. I have written it in her journal, and even as I change her diaper and she's looking at her hanging zebra, I tell her, "We need to stick together". We do have to stick together. God has put this little girl in my life to teach her about who He is in order to build her up, but also to train her in order for her "to stand against the wiles of the devil" (Ephesians 6:11). It always gets me excited when I am in her room and look at the theme and realize the huge responsibility I have to teach her. I need to teach her that we serve a God who loves us to the point of showing us who we are apart from Him. We fall short of the glory of God because we have all sinned (Romans 3:23); but even in our defiance and pride, He demonstrated His love towards us by sending His Son Jesus Christ to die for us even when we don't deserve it (Romans 5:8). All my little one (and each and every one of us) needs to do is accept that she is a sinner apart from God and that it has to do with nothing she can ever do but simply just believe. It is by His grace and love that she can accept His gift of salvation. I just can't wait for the day for the day when I will be able to share that with her because of the zebras.

Tuesday, September 16, 2014

He is Still in Control

Wow time has gone by fast since I have written on here. I am a mommy now to a 2 month old and every day I look at her I am amazed that she came from me. I love looking at her little everything. Her feet. Her hands. Her ears. All her little parts encompasses this little human. It is hard to believe one day all those little parts will be as big as mine. She also continues to make me see I am not the one in control. Even though, my little one is only 2 months old and fully relies on me, it is so hard to let go and see how God is in control. He has been teaching that to me these past few months.
For some of you, you probably remember my post in December of last year on how God is my ultimate ultrasound and I needed to trust in Him for that. (http://myjourneyinchristinme.blogspot.com/2013/12/trusting-god-of-psalm-139.html) Well He did not stop me there either. At my 30 weeks appointment, I asked the doctor if my baby's head was in the right spot and she said that it was too soon to find out and that her bottom and head were the same size. So at my 34 weeks appointment, I asked the doctor again where she was at. She tried to by squeezing  the areas where my little ones head and bottom was suppose to be. She said that she was not sure but felt like she was head down but I should not count on that. At my 36 weeks appointment, I asked the doctor where she was at and this time he told me that he thinks she was breech and that he was going to do any ultrasound. I was very nervous walking into the ultrasound room and getting onto the table. He prod around and found out indeed she was breech. He began to tell me my options and I had to make a decision that weekend.  I was devastated! At this point, I went to birthing classes, practiced my breathing, did yoga, and listen to hypnobirthing CDs. I expected and was told to look forward to this natural birth that I was anticipating and preparing for and it was not going to happen. Yes I had the choice to do the ECV which I did not feel at peace about and as a first time mom had only a 50/50 chance for her to flip. I tried all the spinningbabies.com exercises and even combined it with hypnobirthing CDs. Nothing seemed to change. But then I had to remind myself who was in control. Who was I to change what God deemed for me? How do I not know it was for my good to do the c section? The following week at my 37 weeks appointment, they did another ultrasound and there she was still where she was the previous week. She looked so uncomfortable in there with her little face squeezed between her feet. It was good to see her though. I told the doctor that I planned do to the c-section. So they set a time exactly at 39 weeks on July 11 for my little one to be born. 
When July 11 came around, I was so nervous but more than ready to have my little one. She was born at 1230 that afternoon 8 lbs exactly and 21 inches long. It blew my husband and I mind that she was that big at 39 weeks. I was born 10 day late at 7 lbs 19in. So I assumed that she was going to be small too. I like to think that if I waited any longer she could have gotten bigger and I was probably going to be late and because I am such a small person, I could have had an emergency c section. So I think God knew what He was doing. She was healthy and beautiful and we love her so much. It was just amazing to see how God worked in and throughout my pregnancy to draw me closer to Him. 
The verses I held onto during this time was 2 Samuel 22:31,
 "As for God, His way is perfect; the word of the Lord is proven; He is a shield to all who trust in Him". 
Proverbs 16:3,
 "Commit your works to the Lord and your thoughts will be established".
Psalm 119:37,
"Turn away my eyes from looking at worthless things; and revive me in Your way".

My Body is a Tool

As some of you read in my previous blog, I had a C-Section because my little one was breech. At the time, God put a peace in my heart about it. Even to this day, I believe it was the right decision for my baby and I. But as time has gone by, I still don't regret but nor I am excited to have another little one. I want to but after having a C-Section, it does not appeal to me. My thoughts are, "My body is now messed up. It is not fully equipped to have another baby because they tore into me and damaged what was not suppose to be damaged. My body is now weak. I most likely will have another C-Section because no one or rarely does any doctor try to have a VBAC." LIES!! But I still worry. Even now I am looking at support groups or other hospitals that do VBACS. But why? I am not planning any time soon to have another one. What would it do? I know this is wrong and I give it over to God but it is still a struggle.
But I serve a God who knows my heart and needs. He knows me as a person who longs to do His will. He knows me as one who wont give up even when I am not the one in control. But He is still faithful and guides me. About 2 weeks ago, a nice girl at church gave me this book called, Loving the Little Years: Motherhood in the Trenches by Rachel Jankovic. (http://www.amazon.com/Loving-Little-Years-Motherhood-Trenches/dp/1591280818). I strongly suggest it to all moms. There was a chapter in her book that addressed what I was feeling. This is what she said,
                "...our bodies are tools, not treasures...Let it be used. By the time you die, you want to have
                 a very dinged and dinted body. Motherhood uses your body in the way that God designed
                 it to be used...But motherhood is what your stomach was made for-- and any wear and tear
                 that it shows is simply the sign of a well-used tool. We are not to treat our bodies like
                 museum pieces. They were not given to us to preserve, they were given to us to use."
She goes on by saying that loosing weight or walking around in sweatpants all the time are things we might have to work at in order maintain our "tool". Our bodies need to be maintain in what season of life we are living in. It might be just taking care of our kids or it might be the season of being pregnant consecutively.
She ends by saying,
                 "Scars and stretch marks and muffin tops are all part of your kingdom work. One of the 
                  greatest testimonies Christian women can have in our world today is the testimony of
                  joyfully giving your body to another...But the answer to these obstacles is not to run away
                  in fear as the world does, but to meet it with joy and in faith."
My body is a tool to serve God's purpose in my life. He decided for me to have a C-Section. Instead of fearing constant "major surgery", I need to see it as a sacrifice to a little human being that God has given to me to take care of.
Now don't get me wrong. This still does not settle with me well but this is a start for me to mediate on and continuously give over to God in prayer. Because as I said before, He is faithful and I am His tool. Am I going to let go of this and allow the all knowing and all powerful God to do what He pleases with my body for His glory?
Here is a verse to finish off this blog found in Psalm 119:73
"Your hands have made me and fashioned me; give me understanding that I may learn Your commandments."
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