Sunday, January 15, 2012

My tv shows and prayer

Last Wednesday, I just started a bible study at my church. The book is about prayer by Elisabeth george. I just got finished reading the second chapter for next week. The chapter title is 10 reasons why women don't pray. She gives the first 3 reasons which are worldiness, busyness, and foolishness. These first 3 screamed out my name! I feel recently that God has been convicting me of the tv shows Cyrus and I watch and how much time we watch them. Most of you know that I am a very opinionated person especially when my emotions are involved. Now I know this will sound weird but I really get involved in my tv shows. I remember the first time I got real upset at the tv was when my family and I were watching Survivor, the reality show. It was the finale and there was this deceptive man who won and clearly did not deserve it at all. Let's say he certainty played by the typical reality show rules. I got so mad where I started to yell at the tv. Yes I know really lame and embarrassing : /. Cyrus and I also recently watched this show called criminal minds. It was a good show but just way to dark where one night I had these really fleshy dreams. I felt evil! I mean my heart is definitely desperately wicked. So we quit decided to quit watching it. Last night we are watched 24, the last and final season. Boy this show always gets better every season. Good thing it's over! But once again of course I was yelling at the tv calling this one girl a whore and everything else I thought of at that time. I will confess at that time God put some thoughts into my head. "Kristina this is certainty bringing the worse out of u. Is it worth it?" I even dreamt about it. Is it really worth watching these shows where my mind is so invested in them? Not really... But I will confess, my flesh really likes it. I don't want to give it up but I really want my life to follow Christ. I have fears too. Like what is Cyrus going to say about it? I mean we always eat in front of the tv. What if he does not like the idea? I mean when we watch tv it is like this source of relaxation, a way to escape the world for a few hours. But then how important is my relationship with God especially if this means having more time to pray or get a new hobbie? I know this sounds dumb but it is actually this pleasure thing. But I am going to make the step. So please pray for me and most importantly pray that God can be glorified in this.

Thursday, January 12, 2012

He wants my time!!

This past week has been very busy for me since I have decided to be more content and soak in every moment. I went to a child abuse training at my church so I can start getting involved on Monday. It was very informing and made me see the importance of communication with the people you work with when it comes to the safety of the kids. I did not get back till 9:00 at night. Tuesday, I went over to my in laws house to spend some time with my mother in law. We decided that we will meet every Tuesday where I learn more about cooking and gardening and those wifey things. I also just started a BIble study at my church on Wednesdays. I got talking to a very nice lady and did not leave till 8:40 and got home at 9:15 after grabbing something at Wendys. Tonight will be the first time where Cyrus and I will have nothing to do. God also have answered my prayers concerning changing my hours at work so I wont be so tired and so I could get more involved. Starting tomorrow, I get to sleep in and work 10 til closing. On saturday, I get to go out and have coffee with my supervisor at work. SO like I said I have been very busy.
But this morning during my quiet time, I began to feel negative. Even though I get to sleep in and still give Cyrus his break, I will confess that closing will take sometime to adjust. It will move my time up with my mother in law and it feels like my day is all gone. But then I begin to think. This is what I want: to live each moment as it comes along. That means having to realize that my life, my time is not mine and its about glorifying God. It is funny how God reminded me of that this Sunday at church.

 But Jesus answered them, saying, “The hour has come that the Son of Man should be glorified. Most assuredly, I say to you, unless a grain of wheat falls into the ground and dies, it remains alone; but if it dies, it produces much grain. He who loves his life will lose it, and he who hates his life in this world will keep it for eternal life. If anyone serves Me, let him follow Me; and where I am, there My servant will be also. If anyone serves Me, him My Father will honor. John 12:23-26

I really can be selfish with my time and worry that I will never have time for myself or even my husband. But He calls us to lose our life and follow Him. I then was remembered a passage that I have been trying to memorize.

 Trust in the LORD, and do good; Dwell in the land, and feed on His faithfulness.
 Delight yourself also in the LORD, And He shall give you the desires of your heart.
 Commit your way to the LORD, Trust also in Him, And He shall bring it to pass.
 He shall bring forth your righteousness as the light, And your justice as the noonday.
 Rest in the LORD, and wait patiently for Him; Do not fret because of him who prospers in his way,
 Because of the man who brings wicked schemes to pass.
 Cease from anger, and forsake wrath; Do not fret—it only causes harm.  Psalm 37:3-8

Its "easy" for us to do good but we will always loose heart when doing good and not trusting in the Lord. I dont need to worry about my time because if I am trusting God to know He will work things out while spending time with my mother in law or with my husband, that there will be enough time for me. Verse 4 is states it well. I need to delight myself in the Lord and He will give me the desires of my heart. He already showed me that with giving me later hours. In order to trust in the Lord and do good, I have to dwell in His land of faithfulness and He certainity has been faithful.

So we will see how next week goes because I will once again be busy all the way to Thursday night just like this week. But you know what I dont need to worry about that because I still have right now in the trailer with my husband before I go home and make dinner : )

Sunday, January 8, 2012

New Year Resolution

Ok first of all, I know this is a little late, but I thought this was appropriate for me rejoining my blog I have abandoned. Now I am not a huge fan of resolutions but this one seems applicable for where I am in life with my relationship with Christ. This year I want to meditate on, by the grace of God, to focus on what God gives to me at this moment right here right now. I know that in the past few months, I have been struggling alot with where God has me currently in my life. I want more. I have always been a person who wanted what was next in life. When I was in high school, I just wanted to graduate. After graduation and having been in college for awhile, I thought it was the best that I would meet "the one" who I was to marry. I then graduated and went to Camfel where I did meet my husband. We got married and things were rocky at first but became alot better when God revealed who I truly was in Him. Now being married for 3 years and things are going pretty well, I am wanting to have a baby. "MAN will I ever be happy?" is a common thought I strugle with. Always wanting something more. Always wanting the next thing in life. Always comparing myself with others. When will I finally "get it"? I have currently started to read a book called, "The Resolution for Women" by Priscilla Shirer. It is based off of the resolution for the men in the movie Courageous. The first sections is about being content. I read the first section fast at first but then realized that I was even being discontent while reading it, wanting it to be different. So I reread it. In the first chapter, she wrote about a time she had with a friend on her birthday. Her friend recalled how the year when she turned 36 and how it was a good year. She was able to name off abunch of good times she had. Priscilla, on the other hand, realized at that moment how much she missed out in life. She could recall some good times but did she soak them in and enjoy it? I began to think the same thing. I am a person of structure. I wake up every morning doing the same routine over and over again. But what am I missing when I continue on my way thinking about what is going to happen next or later on that day? I could be missing a time I could be spending with my husband, reading to him or just giving him a good backrub. Also, recently, during my quiet time, I have been really meditating on God's Faithfulness through His mercy and truth in the good and the bad times. For example this last Friday, at 4:30 in the morning, I began to think about the day before and how good it really was. Since Cyrus closed the business for a few days, I did not have to go there after work like I always did but had tons of free time on my hands to spend with hime. It was a really good feeling to do want I enjoyed to do with my husband and later on with my in laws. Then God put a thought into my head. "Kristina, I know what you need at this time with your busy schedule. If you had a baby, would you be able to do what you did yesterday? Trust in me to know that I have a perfect timing for everything. Focus on what you have right now in your life." I have my husband and his business. I have a job with abunch of amazing ladies to work with and to encourage as they teach the little ones there. I also have my mother in law who I need to get to know better. I will also be starting a Bible study at the church. God showed me at that time that there are still things that need to be done now. So I just continue on making myself focus on the moment at hand and soaking it in, knowing this is where He has me, knowing He sees the bigger picture. I am excited to see what He will do with me this year and the people around me He has put into my life. : )
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