The past week has been emotionally up and down for Cyrus and I both. Too much is going on and I am struggling not to get sick. Most of the days I would spend my time with God frustrated wishing that I could just feel His peace. I would sometimes say," I am doing my part coming to You, why do I not feel anything?" Yeah I know I have always heard that we cannot expect immediate results but just know and have faith that God is working in the situation. But it is hard when all I have in me is the bubbling pool of emotions overflowing in my soul and mind. As I always tend to do in these state of mind, I begin (slowly) to search out what is right and take it easy. What I discover at that moment among the bubbling emotions (and of course already know this too) that God gives me enough strength to make it through the day. It is like this sea of understanding comes over me where I feel my mind begins to clear up and things make more sense when I read God's word. For example, I have been reading Paul's letters. I have read 1 and 2 Corinthians and now is starting to read Romans. The first chapter of course is abunch of juicy details of who we truly are.
"For the wrath of God is revealed from heaven against all ungodliness and unrighteousness of men, who suppress the truth in unrighteousness, 19 because what may be known of God is manifest in them, for God has shown it to them. 20 For since the creation of the world His invisible attributes are clearly seen, being understood by the things that are made, even His eternal power and Godhead, so that they are without excuse, 21 because, although they knew God, they did not glorify Him as God, nor were thankful, but became futile in their thoughts, and their foolish hearts were darkened. 22 Professing to be wise, they became fools, 23 and changed the glory of the incorruptible God into an image made like corruptible man—and birds and four-footed animals and creeping things."
As humans, this is who we are. Deep down inside all this sin and pride dwells in us. God has shown Himself to us in soooo many different ways but because of our sin we push God aside. He isn't our top priority. We let other things that at that moment make us either feel angry or overly happy our God. As I see at work here with the teens, they see only what is in front of them at this moment. If it makes me feel good, bring on! It is called selfishness and it is even in my own life.
So what does this have to do with what I said above? When I approach God in my emotional mess all I think about is myself or control. I want to feel better now. I want to see the results now. I am demanding my way and letting my heart be darkened by my sin. But in the past 2 days, after really pondering on Romans 1 and my sinful state and emotion mess, I am started to pray (and repent for my pride)that when I am in my overwhelming emotional state that instead of trying to control the outcome and "doing my part", I should just accept what is at hand and know He is working in me. Like seriously verbally out loud to Him sharing my desire for Him to be in control. We will see how that goes.
Monday, April 26, 2010
Friday, April 23, 2010
My Unsettled World
This blog I wrote on April 10 that I really wanted to post on here. Too much has not changed since this blog. It should though be a reminder to me : )
I am currently in the house with no boys and really in a pondering mood. I think it has alot to do with how unsettling life is right now. I am thinking of new ways to be more creative with the guys and my job and knowing that I could be here for another summer. I want to try to do things differently going the extra mile. For example, maybe take a guy out for everyday of the week and spend one on one time with them. Or maybe take a pic every single day for this summer. I dont know. My only hope is that my current mood is not my human efforts to try to make me feel happy and content but really trying to give my life completely to what I am doing right now at this moment which is being a "mom" for 6 guys. I just want to glorify God but the past few days have been hard just with the changes at hand. Hehe. sorry I am being very vague. Let me give u a small pic in my chaotic world.
First, Cyrus and I have been praying about our future and what that details. It is going to be interesting to see what happens but it is very much on our mind. Also at Boys Cottage, we have recently taken apart our kitchen where we r redoing our floor and cabinets and rearranging the stove and frig and all those major things in the kitchen. It has been already almost 2 weeks coming this Monday. The floor is done but nothing else has been finished and this week was a dead week. Because of this 3 of our 6 guys have been REALLY moody which only add to the stress. I am also thinking about the summer and what I will be doing there if we will still be here and what it will be like since there is no coordinator to set things up for the kids to do. I have been through 2 summers already and yeah they r rough. Around the guys for 24 hours and 6 days a week. No breaks like the school days. so the is as much as I can sum up. But the one thing that always remains standing by is that God is in control. That is easy to say but truly what does that mean and how does that play out in a restless human mind. I dont know. I think I want to know and I believe the past few months God has been showing me what that means but as humans as we all know life always seems to come up and bite us in the butt. My only reaction is how I TRULY just want to make God first. I was reading Psalm 62 this morning and it was amazing. Here is Psalm 62 to look at:
1 Truly my soul silently waits for God;
From Him comes my salvation.
2 He only is my rock and my salvation;
He is my defense;
I shall not be greatly moved.
3 How long will you attack a man?
You shall be slain, all of you,
Like a leaning wall and a tottering fence.
4 They only consult to cast him down from his high position;
They delight in lies;
They bless with their mouth,
But they curse inwardly. Selah
5 My soul, wait silently for God alone,
For my expectation is from Him.
6 He only is my rock and my salvation;
He is my defense;
I shall not be moved.
7 In God is my salvation and my glory;
The rock of my strength,
And my refuge, is in God.
8 Trust in Him at all times, you people;
Pour out your heart before Him;
God is a refuge for us. Selah
9 Surely men of low degree are a vapor,
Men of high degree are a lie;
If they are weighed on the scales,
They are altogether lighter than vapor.
10 Do not trust in oppression,
Nor vainly hope in robbery;
If riches increase,
Do not set your heart on them.
11 God has spoken once,
Twice I have heard this:
That power belongs to God.
12 Also to You, O Lord, belongs mercy;
For You render to each one according to his work.
David first starts out by saying that his soul TRULY silently waits for God. Also throughout the psalm he states that in his soul he knows that God is his salvation, rock, defense and rescue. In verse 3, he addresses his tormentors knowing that God is on his side and they r only weak and in verse 10 they cannot be trusted. Verse 8 David tells us to trust in God and than first 11 twice he tells us that the power belongs to God.
So an application for myself is that I feel like that since I am a Christian and I want and desire to walk in the Spirit that my soul TRULY does want to wait on God especially SILENTLY. I feel most days r where it seems like I am struggling because of my up and down moods. But I do believe that silently my soul yearns to wait on God. And my torments is not flesh blood as states in Eph 6 but is my emotions, my worries, my desire of wanting to control. Those r my tormentors. Those r the ones that I can give to God and say "Oh God can handle u!" All I need to do is trust in God and know that the power belongs to Him.
Thanks for always reading my note. I just continue to ask if u guys can just continue to pray for Cyrus and I as we go through this time. Let us draw near to our Lord and not ourselves.
Thursday, March 18, 2010
More Verses
John 12:40-41
“ He has blinded their eyes and hardened their hearts,
Lest they should see with their eyes,
Lest they should understand with their hearts and turn,
So that I should heal them."
These things Isaiah said when he saw His glory and spoke of Him.
God hardens our hearts when He is going to show His glory vs we just harden our hearts because of our sin nature and pride.
Romans 9:15-18
For He says to Moses, “I will have mercy on whomever I will have mercy, and I will have compassion on whomever I will have compassion.” So then it is not of him who wills, nor of him who runs, but of God who shows mercy. For the Scripture says to the Pharaoh, “For this very purpose I have raised you up, that I may show My power in you, and that My name may be declared in all the earth.” Therefore He has mercy on whom He wills, and whom He wills He hardens.
“ He has blinded their eyes and hardened their hearts,
Lest they should see with their eyes,
Lest they should understand with their hearts and turn,
So that I should heal them."
These things Isaiah said when he saw His glory and spoke of Him.
God hardens our hearts when He is going to show His glory vs we just harden our hearts because of our sin nature and pride.
Romans 9:15-18
For He says to Moses, “I will have mercy on whomever I will have mercy, and I will have compassion on whomever I will have compassion.” So then it is not of him who wills, nor of him who runs, but of God who shows mercy. For the Scripture says to the Pharaoh, “For this very purpose I have raised you up, that I may show My power in you, and that My name may be declared in all the earth.” Therefore He has mercy on whom He wills, and whom He wills He hardens.
My Thoughts and verses
Countless scripture tell us of our inability to do anything that is of Christ. But God loves us so much that He does not want anyone to perish or go to hell. He beckons everyone to come to Him through people, through His word, through General Revelation, through creation, and what He does through our life experiences. As humans, we have the choice to accept it or be prideful and say NO. God knows who will say yes and who will say NO but still beckoning everyone.
I also found more verses
1 Cor 12:3
Therefore I make known to you that no one speaking by the Spirit of God calls Jesus accursed, and no one can say that Jesus is Lord except by the Holy Spirit.
I know how this scripture is used to show or tell that there were people misleading the Corinth church but it shows that if we are a Christian, we would not curse God and that the Holy Spirit helps us to recognizes who God is.
Ps 95:7b-11
Today, if you will hear His voice:
“Do not harden your hearts, as in the rebellion,
As in the day of trial in the wilderness,
When your fathers tested Me;
They tried Me, though they saw My work.
For forty years I was grieved with that generation,
And said, ‘It is a people who go astray in their hearts,
And they do not know My ways.’
So I swore in My wrath,
‘They shall not enter My rest.’ ”
Israel did not trust God and fell away and hardened their hearts even after all God did for them. God was definitely sad. He disciplines them by not seeing the Promise Land, but He also knew that at the end He would be glorified so we have a choice to ignore His voice and hardened our hearts or to listen to what He is saying to us and shows us.
I also found more verses
1 Cor 12:3
Therefore I make known to you that no one speaking by the Spirit of God calls Jesus accursed, and no one can say that Jesus is Lord except by the Holy Spirit.
I know how this scripture is used to show or tell that there were people misleading the Corinth church but it shows that if we are a Christian, we would not curse God and that the Holy Spirit helps us to recognizes who God is.
Ps 95:7b-11
Today, if you will hear His voice:
“Do not harden your hearts, as in the rebellion,
As in the day of trial in the wilderness,
When your fathers tested Me;
They tried Me, though they saw My work.
For forty years I was grieved with that generation,
And said, ‘It is a people who go astray in their hearts,
And they do not know My ways.’
So I swore in My wrath,
‘They shall not enter My rest.’ ”
Israel did not trust God and fell away and hardened their hearts even after all God did for them. God was definitely sad. He disciplines them by not seeing the Promise Land, but He also knew that at the end He would be glorified so we have a choice to ignore His voice and hardened our hearts or to listen to what He is saying to us and shows us.
Saturday, March 13, 2010
The natural man
1 Cor 2:13-16
These things we also speak, not in words which man’s wisdom teaches but which the Holy[a] Spirit teaches, comparing spiritual things with spiritual. But the natural man does not receive the things of the Spirit of God, for they are foolishness to him; nor can he know them, because they are spiritually discerned. But he who is spiritual judges all things, yet he himself is rightly judged by no one. For “who has known the mind of the LORD that he may instruct Him?”[b] But we have the mind of Christ.
This verse shows me that as unbelievers, they have no capability to come to Christ because they find things of the Spirit of God as foolishness to them. So does that make the Holy Spirit the primary one who works in us while we do extremely little when it comes to our salvation?
These things we also speak, not in words which man’s wisdom teaches but which the Holy[a] Spirit teaches, comparing spiritual things with spiritual. But the natural man does not receive the things of the Spirit of God, for they are foolishness to him; nor can he know them, because they are spiritually discerned. But he who is spiritual judges all things, yet he himself is rightly judged by no one. For “who has known the mind of the LORD that he may instruct Him?”[b] But we have the mind of Christ.
This verse shows me that as unbelievers, they have no capability to come to Christ because they find things of the Spirit of God as foolishness to them. So does that make the Holy Spirit the primary one who works in us while we do extremely little when it comes to our salvation?
Friday, March 12, 2010
Predesination vs Free Will
Lately I have been writing in my journal finding verses to understand how I came about as a Christian. It is such an awesome thing how God gave us the Bible as our ultimate source. There is also questions I have asked. See if you might have any questions or have a different interpretation of the verses.
2 Peter 3:9
"The Lord is not slack concerning His promise, as some count slackness, but is longsuffering toward us,[a] not willing that any should perish but that all should come to repentance."
God has a willing attitude not wanting anyone to go to hell. So do we have a choice to believe? How do we believe- through hearing the gospel and seeing we are wrong and turn to Him who saves or hear the beckoning call through hearing the gospel where we feel and know we are wrong and see we need Christ all done by the Holy spirit?
Ezekiel 33:11
"Say to them: ‘As I live,’ says the Lord GOD, ‘I have no pleasure in the death of the wicked, but that the wicked turn from his way and live. Turn, turn from your evil ways! For why should you die, O house of Israel?’"
Here God is the one who is calling out to the wicked to change their ways. But his declaration was that they had to turn from their own ways. How can we do that if we are sinful and incapable especially when it is suppose to be all through Christ? Is that an assumption on my part or based off of God’s word?
Romans 2:4
"Or do you despise the riches of His goodness, forbearance, and longsuffering, not knowing that the goodness of God leads you to repentance?"
Is this what gets us to be saved and than we accept Christ because He lead us? Does God’s goodness forbearance and longsuffering lead us to Christ?
Eph 1:7
"In Him we have redemption through His blood, the forgiveness of sins, according to the riches of His grace"
Everything is about God and Jesus who we were brought back and can forgive our sins. I can now see how repentance is a huge key, starting to : )
It is only the beginning : )
2 Peter 3:9
"The Lord is not slack concerning His promise, as some count slackness, but is longsuffering toward us,[a] not willing that any should perish but that all should come to repentance."
God has a willing attitude not wanting anyone to go to hell. So do we have a choice to believe? How do we believe- through hearing the gospel and seeing we are wrong and turn to Him who saves or hear the beckoning call through hearing the gospel where we feel and know we are wrong and see we need Christ all done by the Holy spirit?
Ezekiel 33:11
"Say to them: ‘As I live,’ says the Lord GOD, ‘I have no pleasure in the death of the wicked, but that the wicked turn from his way and live. Turn, turn from your evil ways! For why should you die, O house of Israel?’"
Here God is the one who is calling out to the wicked to change their ways. But his declaration was that they had to turn from their own ways. How can we do that if we are sinful and incapable especially when it is suppose to be all through Christ? Is that an assumption on my part or based off of God’s word?
Romans 2:4
"Or do you despise the riches of His goodness, forbearance, and longsuffering, not knowing that the goodness of God leads you to repentance?"
Is this what gets us to be saved and than we accept Christ because He lead us? Does God’s goodness forbearance and longsuffering lead us to Christ?
Eph 1:7
"In Him we have redemption through His blood, the forgiveness of sins, according to the riches of His grace"
Everything is about God and Jesus who we were brought back and can forgive our sins. I can now see how repentance is a huge key, starting to : )
It is only the beginning : )
Thursday, March 11, 2010
The point of this blog
The point of this blog is to share what Christ is doing in my life. I started this journey wanting to find MYSELF in Christ. But I soon realized that it is CHRIST I am needing to learn about. It has only TRULY started this past January when Cyrus and I began to work 6 days at Boys Cottage.
My first thought of my journey is knowing how I came about in Christ. What I mean is that dreadful (I feel like it is only for me though) conversation you always had in youth group that seem pointless and had no direction. If anyone guess by now, it is the Predestination vs Free Will discussion. It has always been around in my life at youth group or at college. It is something seriously I like to think about. I really believe it has potential to help one understand how God works in our spiritual journey.
Another thought on my journey is how only recently my worldview has changed compare to how it was while I was growing up. It is kinda cool to see how it is connected to what God has for Cyrus and I in the future to come.
I am just excited to see what God is going to show me through this process as I continue to grow in Him.
My first thought of my journey is knowing how I came about in Christ. What I mean is that dreadful (I feel like it is only for me though) conversation you always had in youth group that seem pointless and had no direction. If anyone guess by now, it is the Predestination vs Free Will discussion. It has always been around in my life at youth group or at college. It is something seriously I like to think about. I really believe it has potential to help one understand how God works in our spiritual journey.
Another thought on my journey is how only recently my worldview has changed compare to how it was while I was growing up. It is kinda cool to see how it is connected to what God has for Cyrus and I in the future to come.
I am just excited to see what God is going to show me through this process as I continue to grow in Him.
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