Tuesday, September 16, 2014

He is Still in Control

Wow time has gone by fast since I have written on here. I am a mommy now to a 2 month old and every day I look at her I am amazed that she came from me. I love looking at her little everything. Her feet. Her hands. Her ears. All her little parts encompasses this little human. It is hard to believe one day all those little parts will be as big as mine. She also continues to make me see I am not the one in control. Even though, my little one is only 2 months old and fully relies on me, it is so hard to let go and see how God is in control. He has been teaching that to me these past few months.
For some of you, you probably remember my post in December of last year on how God is my ultimate ultrasound and I needed to trust in Him for that. (http://myjourneyinchristinme.blogspot.com/2013/12/trusting-god-of-psalm-139.html) Well He did not stop me there either. At my 30 weeks appointment, I asked the doctor if my baby's head was in the right spot and she said that it was too soon to find out and that her bottom and head were the same size. So at my 34 weeks appointment, I asked the doctor again where she was at. She tried to by squeezing  the areas where my little ones head and bottom was suppose to be. She said that she was not sure but felt like she was head down but I should not count on that. At my 36 weeks appointment, I asked the doctor where she was at and this time he told me that he thinks she was breech and that he was going to do any ultrasound. I was very nervous walking into the ultrasound room and getting onto the table. He prod around and found out indeed she was breech. He began to tell me my options and I had to make a decision that weekend.  I was devastated! At this point, I went to birthing classes, practiced my breathing, did yoga, and listen to hypnobirthing CDs. I expected and was told to look forward to this natural birth that I was anticipating and preparing for and it was not going to happen. Yes I had the choice to do the ECV which I did not feel at peace about and as a first time mom had only a 50/50 chance for her to flip. I tried all the spinningbabies.com exercises and even combined it with hypnobirthing CDs. Nothing seemed to change. But then I had to remind myself who was in control. Who was I to change what God deemed for me? How do I not know it was for my good to do the c section? The following week at my 37 weeks appointment, they did another ultrasound and there she was still where she was the previous week. She looked so uncomfortable in there with her little face squeezed between her feet. It was good to see her though. I told the doctor that I planned do to the c-section. So they set a time exactly at 39 weeks on July 11 for my little one to be born. 
When July 11 came around, I was so nervous but more than ready to have my little one. She was born at 1230 that afternoon 8 lbs exactly and 21 inches long. It blew my husband and I mind that she was that big at 39 weeks. I was born 10 day late at 7 lbs 19in. So I assumed that she was going to be small too. I like to think that if I waited any longer she could have gotten bigger and I was probably going to be late and because I am such a small person, I could have had an emergency c section. So I think God knew what He was doing. She was healthy and beautiful and we love her so much. It was just amazing to see how God worked in and throughout my pregnancy to draw me closer to Him. 
The verses I held onto during this time was 2 Samuel 22:31,
 "As for God, His way is perfect; the word of the Lord is proven; He is a shield to all who trust in Him". 
Proverbs 16:3,
 "Commit your works to the Lord and your thoughts will be established".
Psalm 119:37,
"Turn away my eyes from looking at worthless things; and revive me in Your way".

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