Wednesday, July 17, 2013

Conforming to His will

As most of you know, my husband and I have recently moved, relocating for a new job. We have been here for almost 2 months. We also decided that I wont work to see if we can live off of his salary for the future. My prayer, without internet or Netflix, for the first month was to draw near to God knowing He will draw near to me as it says in James 4:8a. He has been so faithful and last month was amazing.

This month we decided that I liked going to the library for the internet and will not get internet for awhile. So I continue to pray for God's will as I continue on transitioning into this new lifestyle.  I will confess lately I have become restless where it makes me more conscious and watchful for discontentment and dissatisfaction which is only a gateway for Satan/my flesh to screw with my mind. I cannot allow him to get to me knowing that I am wrestling against rulers of the darkness of this age as it says in Ephesians 6:12 and that God is far more powerful than Satan/my flesh will ever be. I have constantly gone to His word and His promises which has remain so faithful for me.

What He has recently brought to my attention is my mind is in the process of being conformed to His will. I feel disconnected and unsure about things. God has blessed me with this amazing woman of God who has helped me get connected and been my friend. I have been to a picnic for the ACTION (Americans For Christian Traditions In Our Nation of Pennsylvania) group here. I have been going to a Good News Club and have been invited to volunteer at a camp next week. God alo has really laid on my heart on telling others about the Gospel and how it has affected my life with the people in my apartment complex. I have been struggling to do these things, being anxious if I am doing it right, and feeling like it is a duty and finding little pleasure in it. It is not like I feel like if I dont do this that God is going to be angry and I will feel guilty. I have gotten beyond that. He totally convicts me until I do do it. For example, I got some mail of this girl who lives upstairs next to me and I needed to go give it to her. I have talked to her before and she is very nice and this letter was my excuse to go to her again. So last Saturday I had my routine of getting ready for the day and was going to go to the library. I get into the car and notice her car was in her spot. Suddenly, God tells me, "Kristina go get the letter and go give it to her." I gave excuses like she will be here later after I am done with what I want to do. But He kept pressing me. Then I had the thought, What if she is thinking of something right now and I need to have a conversation with her about that? God works like that dont He? So after a minute of going back and forth, I turned off the car, got the letter, and knocked on her door. She invited me as she did before and I sat for awhile since she had some company. Then they left and we started to talk. We talked about some things that were going on in her life and how through it she was discovering herself. I was able to share a little bit what God has done in my life and how He has transformed it. It ended where sometime this week we are to hang out which I am doing this afternoon. But even then, I had my own plans today but knew that this is something God wants me to do. I know I will have fun. I always do : ) I have been praying for opportunites and discussions this afternoon but I have no passion. My friend finds so much joy in telling the Gospel to these little kids and seeks opportunities to do so where ever she goes. Peter, Paul, and the other disciples were like that. Everywhere they went, they preached the Gospel. It was what drove them! Is there a middle? I have the desire to do it but I feel like it is something I need to do. What comes to mind is in Matthew 16:24-27,

     "Then Jesus said to His disciples, “If anyone desires to come after Me, let him deny himself, and take up his cross, and follow Me. 25 For whoever desires to save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for My sake will find it. 26 For what profit is it to a man if he gains the whole world, and loses his own soul? Or what will a man give in exchange for his soul? 27 For the Son of Man will come in the glory of His Father with His angels, and then He will reward each according to his works."

And Romans 12:1-2,
 "I beseech you therefore, brethren, by the mercies of God, that you present your bodies a living sacrifice, holy, acceptable to God, which is your reasonable service. 2 And do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind, that you may prove what is that good and acceptable and perfect will of God."

It is like I need reassurance that I am building those relationships or then I am afraid I am being too lazy. I dont know. But I do know that He is a faithful God and His word does not return void. His word is what motivates me. His word is what is alive. The Gospel is still working in my own life. The Gospel is what is powerful not me. I dont think I fully trust in God in that yet. 

 " For I am not ashamed of the gospel of Christ,[a] for it is the power of God to salvation for everyone who believes, for the Jew first and also for the Greek. 17 For in it the righteousness of God is revealed from faith to faith; as it is written, “The just shall live by faith.” Romans 1:16  

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