Saturday, July 25, 2015

My Little One's love

What a day! But even now in my tired and weak state I see God being faithful. He allows crazy moments and my little one's love to teach me how much He loves me unconditionally. All day long I have had one thing after another happen to me. There is one thing you have to know about me is that I am a big people pleaser to the point of freaking out and not thinking straight. My husband wanted me to burn our trash because it was building up in our shed. For the life of me I couldn't start the fire! I felt like I was disappointing him by not getting it done. I got so frustrated to the point of not caring that my little one was tired and getting upset at standing by herself while mommy was trying to start a fire. But at that moment I felt God's presence sweep over me telling me that this was not worth anybody getting upset about. So I picked her up and felt so much better. During her nap, I drew close to God realizing that all of this was not worth ruining a day over ( by this time it was 11:30). After she woke up I had to go to my in-laws' house and let the dogs out to go to the bathroom. Since the door of their house was close to the truck, I decided to keep my little one in the truck with it running and lock the driver's door only. Well what I forgot was that my truck is not like my car where when you put it into park that all the doors unlock. So I locked my little one in the truck. I was so upset at myself because all I could think of was how bad of a mother I was. I felt so worthless while my little one was crying in the car and how calling my husband would be so hard because of how the morning went with burning the trash. I got ahold of him finally after many busy signals and had the truck open for me. All I could do was cry. We got home after a hour of craziness, and I placed her in her high chair to finish her lunch. And when I gave her her sandwich she smiled at me as if nothing had happened at all. All I could do at that moment was shake my head and wonder how she could feel that way. But I then had the thought that this is how God feels about me in a even bigger way. I mess up but He still loves me. I freak out but He still sticks around. I am not saying this is easy for me to accept but it is something I truly want to grow more to understand and accept. And I think that's what He is trying to teach me. 

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