Thursday, September 3, 2015

Theme Thursday

I consider myself as an person who can get easily angry. I discovered this when I worked at a group home in Nebraska. I was adjusting to married life, working with my husband, and dealing with teens that came from dysfunctional homes. We lived at the girls cottage for our first three days and then at the boys cottage for the last three days of our six day shift. It was our last night at the girls cottage before the full time staff would come back on. I was tired and emotionally drained, ready for them to return. We were working with the girls on their charts where we keep track of their progress in the cottage. If they needed to work on something, we would tell them what they did wrong and give them a consequence. It was now that time to work on those consequences. I really don't remember now what exactly this one girl disagreed with me on but it ended up where she gave me attitude about it and I responded back in anger. Her sister, who also lived in the cottage, defended her and they both started to attack me. I got mad at them both and the next thing I remember was leaving the cottage in my socks fuming. The boys and their staff were outside where one of the staff came to see what was brothering me. It ended up where our supervisor came over to the cottage to talk to the girls and I both. That did not end well either where all parties got defensive and I ended up throwing my socks at their direction and running off to the off duty house. There I stayed for two hours kicking a hole in the wall and crying none stop in the bathtub. My supervisor came over after sometime and I kept on saying that I was giving my two week notice. He told me that was not necessary but I needed to get help because situations like these come up in court. And that was the beginning of my journey as an angry person.

One and half years later after finding a mentor and having one more episode of uncontrollable anger, God got ahold of me. My mentor taught me that God works intimately in every single detail of my life when I choose to draw near to Him and read and meditate on His word. He also showed me that anger is only a result from another emotion I was feeling. For example, instead of saying I am angry when so and so yelled at me because I took away their straighter, I would say I feel attacked because of how they responded to me. It really helped me to reevaluate why I got angry. But once I let go of the hurt and pain that these kids sometimes made me feel and saw them as people who were put into my life by God to work out His perfect purpose and way, I then experienced His grace and was able to show grace in return.   

Now as a mom to my little goober, I can see sometimes that anger flares up and than I get frustrated with myself for allowing myself to get to that point. I realize though that I am forgetting about grace. I ask myself these questions
   "What am I holding onto at this moment? Pride? Fear? Lost of control? Guilt? Unreasonable
   "What should I be holding onto instead? The Cross? Is this worth causing problems over? Does she
    even get what I am saying? Has she been outside for awhile?"
   "What thoughts I am feeding myself? I am a lousy parent. I don't go the extra mile. I am being too
   "What thoughts should I be feeding myself? God gives new mercies each morning. Goober is a gift
    from God specifically for me. God is the God of Psalm 139. He knows every single one of
    her days. God delights in who I am as her mom and as she is as my daughter.

Lately I have been keeping up with a Facebook group called No. More. Angry MOB which has been a Huge encouragement to me. One of the leaders constantly keeps reminding us of the promises we have as moms in God's word.

   Cast your care upon Him for He cares for you 1 Peter 5:7

   Trust in the Lord and do good. Dwell in the land and feed on His faithfulness. Psalm 37:3

   If any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask of God who gives to all liberally and without reproach and
    it will be given to him. James 1:5   

I also have been getting emails from Kirk Martin who is the founder of Celebrate Calm. He too has given good advice concerning anger. The basis of his teachings is being able to first and foremost control yourself. One cannot have a better relationship with their kids until they realize that they can only control themselves first. In return a kid can see the self-control mom or dad shows and will be willing to be able to listen better. He is also a firm believer that kids need boundaries but need to be given responsibility for their own actions instead of their parent getting angry at them. The best thing I have gotten from him is what to do if either you or your kid gets angry to do these two things. First, get down physically below them instead of towering over them which represents anger. And second, encourage yourself or your kid to start doing something to calm down so that later after one calms down, you and your kid can have a conversation about what happened.

Well I hope that this helps and encourages someone out there. You are not alone. A lot people feel angry but I know there is people there to help and a God who knows every single thing about you.  

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